Gunga Din Lite & Other Delights (of Lust and Comedy) is collection of 13 short stories from award-winning writer, journalist and filmmaker, Maninder Chana. The stories in the collection center around themes of love and lust… from career aspirations, to relationships, to betrayal, to racism, to sex and the struggle for the all mighty dollar. Each story is tinged with Maninder's rye wit and acerbic humor.
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Lark hated Peppermint. She was everything he had fought against. He liked family television. A picture of Bill Cosby in a suggestive pose hung on his wall. Lark had wanted to do a Family Ties reunion special, but the entire cast had refused except for Justine Bateman. It all went to pot after she stipulated her brother must be involved too. The producers refused. At the time, no one in Hollywood could stand Jason. To Lark, talk shows were at the bottom of the heap. But he needed the money to feed his heroin habit and add to his stamp collection, so here he was.
Lark had a plan though. He would humiliate Peppermint and take the producer's insurance money for the show. He even took out extra insurance on his own for potential job loss because he was sure Peppermint’s Talk Hour would be shoved in a tin can and mailed off to China.
He immediately put together the first show with little effort. Peppermint had asked for it to be something having to do with makeup: a simple subject with lots of pretty colors to keep her awake. Instead, Lark herded in an environmentalist, a Japanese shipping captain and a marine biologist to discuss illegal whaling in order to procure perfume stock. To this panel he added a monkey, a Chihuahua and a bunny rabbit – all of which had been scared, bruised and battered with makeup and perfume testing equipment. And to make it all come together and make Peppermint happy, he added a Mary Kay Cosmetics representative and an Avon Lady.
Everything went well at first. Lark had wanted a slow burn, so he began the show with the Mary Kay Cosmetics rep. She talked about summer colors and fall fashions, Peppermint threw in little quips and outdated snippets like, "You go girl!" and other archaic references she'd heard on Ricky Lake. It was charming in a twelve-year old school girl sort of a way.
But then Lark pulled out the big guns bringing in the other sides on the makeup and perfume issue. From that point on, the show no longer belonged to Peppermint. She couldn't follow the long line of clinical and medical dogma spewed out by the biologist, although she knew enough to tell that the words didn't sound cheery or summery or least of all fashionable. More pressing though was the fact the environmentalist was just not color coordinated. No wonder the hippies lost the war.
Then things turned even more dismal and she was unable to control the arguing that erupted between the groups. The Japanese shipping captain harpooned the environmentalist and marine biologist for stealing his livelihood. It was a flesh wound so luckily they would be able to air the episode. The Mary Kay Cosmetics rep and the Avon Lady got into a cat fight over sales figures, while the monkey, Chihuahua and bunny rabbit keeled over after both sales ladies dropped their cosmetic samples on the poor creatures. The vegan fascist terrorists at PETA would later denounce the show.
Peppermint stormed off the set, tears streaming down the caked on slime of foundation and rouge. She stepped out into the parking lot, found her car and nervously opened the door. Humiliated, she drove away, crashing the guardrail. Lark stood there with a grin on his face. He would make sure she paid for that guardrail.
All had gone according to plan. The show had burst like an inner tube on the ocean of sitcom frivolity. Peppermint's Talk Hour would die a quick and painful death and Lark would be rich, rich, rich. Or so it seemed.
end of excerpt
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“...seriously, think about it for a moment. Isn't every woman looking for Jesus? Jesus was a good man to have around. He was all knowing so he was pretty good at Jeopardy. He had a lot of parables and speeches so he was a good conversationalist – a little dull maybe, but he could talk your ear off. He could make water into wine so he was a good provider. He was a carpenter, so he could fix your screen door. He was an impotent god, so he would never cheat on you. Yes, he had a tendency to hang out with whores and lowlifes, but you can't have everything.”
-Fanny's Three Tales: Hemingway on Women
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